Brent Item No. 2

Incidentally, while Phet and I were up in LA, Brent showed us some of the pictures he has been taking of us on his various trips down to see us (he has been cultivating his skill at old school photography — the kind with film and cameras and stuff. Before cool people like me could take pictures using the sheer power of our minds.) Anyway, he was messing around some with real live, non C-41 black and white film at Phet’s graduation, and these are two of the pictures that came out of that batch.
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Jeff ‘n Phet’s Wacky West Coast Vacation

So Phet and I took a daytrip up to Los Angeles on Saturday to hang out with our homie Brent. It turned out to be an incredibly action packed afternoon. We saw many sites, such as Brent’s apartment, beautiful Watts, Brent’s Grandpa’s old house, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, world famous Tia Juana’s mexican food restaurant, some video store that could have been Blockbuster were it not so small and filled with porn, and a really impressive mom and pop grocery store called “Ralphs”.
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For grins, I thought I’d take a second to plug Glassdog is just a normal stupid personal website (like humble little JesusH), only better. The guy who writes it, Lance Arthur, is an incredible writer and swell designer and stuff. The two sections that are most interesting to me are the front page, where he writes about random stuff (the present article on coffee is particularly cool, methinks) and the now defunct Life Serial section, where he kept an online journal until ending the entire affair dramatically by coming out of the closet. It’s probably worth a read if you’re at all a fan of these online journal things. There is also a highly useful HTML/CSS reference section, which I still actually use occasionally.

Glassdog has been a constant reference for me for years. It’s what JesusH could be if we had any idea of what we’re doing…

This is a link to one of those wretched dancing novelty sites that are all over the wretched internet. This one has George Bush dancing for no reason but to entertain you, the taxpaying Americans. What a guy. In fact, I was so moved by this display that I can’t imagine that such a groovy guy would politicize the war in Iraq, as was alleged by prominent Democrats today.

Leave Bush alone, Daschle — all he wants to do is dance, dance, dance…

Professional PHP4 XML

Slashdot has a review of Wrox’s swell book Professional PHP4 XML. While this couldn’t possibly interest 99.99999% of people, anywhere, I wanted to give it a mention because I bought this book before it turned that using XML on our server makes it blow up. This is not something that was mentioned in the book.

Thus, while I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with Slashdot’s 9/10 rating for the book, I would offer the caveat that it will break your webserver and make you very sad. Buy your copy of Professional PHP4 XML here!

Jesse Jackson Unamusificated By Barbershop

Further demonstrating his championship of the irrelevant and mundane, Rev. Jesse Jackson has compelled the producers behind the new Ice Cube movie Barbershop to apologize for including offensive and hurtful jokes about Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks. Now he’s calling for them to cut the damaging scenes from the DVD and video versions of the film.

Sigh. The Equal Rights Movement has gone from “I Have A Dream” to “I am very offended by namecalling”. I’m sure that Martin Luther King would be pleased.

Lorenzo Lamas’ Fetid Corpse

Phet and I played spades online with Dave and Debbie on Friday at Yahoo’s coolio games site. For the uninitiated, Yahoo lets you play hearts or spades or backgammon or chess against thousands of random people at any given time. Playing Spades over the internet is really not a bad deal at all, and gets the JesusH seal of approval for fun family activity (unless your partner is Phet, when it becomes an exercise in inadequacy, although not necessarily in a bad way. Ahem).
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Napster-esque Copyright Dilemma

Slashdot has a pretty interesting post about a company called Clean Flicks that buys rental versions of movies, edits out all the good parts, and then resells them to consumers easily damaged by nudity or violence. The situation is interesting because Clean Flicks is being sued by the Directors Guild of America (who represent Steven Spielberg and Robert Redford. And probably the guy who directed Dude, Where’s My Car?, thought I’m sure that DGA doesn’t like to let on…) for censoring their works.
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Regarding Billy

I saw a funny note in a review of the undoubtedly awful new movie Stealing Harvard:

Lee has settled a little too comfortably into his bland, put-upon nice guy persona. The movies already have a Bill Pullman, thank you.

Yeah, Jason… and consider this: the movies wouldn’t even need a Bill Pullman if they’d just wise up and realize that Jeff Daniels would be at least as good, and frequently much better, than Pullman in every role Pullman has ever had.

Pullman and Daniels (or is it Daniels and Pullman?)

I mean, come on. Don’t tell me there’s a whit of difference between the above guys physically. Besides the fact that Daniels has 100x the range of Pullman, they’re dead ringers.

The physically-equivalent-unequal-talent-distribution phenomenon is not uncommon in Hollywood, and neither is the opposite. Consider Paul Walker and Keanu Reeves. They don’t look anything alike, but man, they’re exactly the same when they begin busting out their “acting” chops. If you heard Walker deliver his “Whoa!” line in narcoleptic fashion in The Fast And The Furious, you were taken right back to the days of Bill and Ted. (This was an interesting tack to take on this line, because Walker’s character had just destroyed a car and presumably nearly died trying to win a street race. You’d think he’d be a little more pumped up than that, but hey, whatever.)

And, Lord have mercy, I hope you didn’t hear Walker in TFTF. It was a truly awful movie.

I’d give it the rare and lethal no Pochaccos (out of a possible five).

I Think I’ve Been Identity Thefted

Good heavens! I never knew this, but apparently, I’m a busy guy. In addition to my duties as hack journalist and bathroom rock star, I play baseball, raise hogs, practice martial arts, volunteer at my church, have parents I’ve never met, play rugby, review techology, and, christ help me, work in public relations. This frightens me to no end, because to the best of my knowledge, this isn’t really me.
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Dude, we totally got this guy in trouble…

In a development that further demonstrates the raw power of, well, me, CNN reports that Special Forces troops in Afghanistan will now have to “readapt uniform and grooming standards”, shaving their beards and, presumably, wearing shirts. This action was obviously taken in response to this recent article on JesusH which brought national attention to the fact that that Steppenwolf-looking guy had gone shirtless.

On one hand, I have to admit that I feel kind of bad for getting that guy in trouble, especially after he saved the president and got shot in the head and stuff. On the other hand, though, he clearly isn’t wearing a shirt. Somebody had to do something, dammit…

Harry Potter and the Vibrating Broom

If you haven’t been exposed to‘s public review system, you’re really missing out. People use the system to post some really funny reviews–they’re especially good considering Amazon presumably has people employed for the sole purpose of keeping these questionable reviews out of the system. My favorite example is Harry "Cheeriness personified" Raddick, who is currently ranked 103 of all reviewers on Drop by and browse his reviews when you get a minute–the subtlety is something special.
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The Stupid Onion Writes About Me Again

Okay, this is starting to really cheese me off: the Onion has written yet another article about me. The article in question, of course, is the one entitled ‘Man Knows Just What He’d Say If He Met Christina Ricci‘, and is obviously a thinly veiled reference to that time in high school when I wrote a letter to Christina Ricci asking her to my Junior Prom (and then didn’t know what to say when she actually called me).

I suppose it’s possible that it’s just a coincidence, but given the fact that they have written other articles about me in the past (‘Area Bedroom Has That Weird Jeff Smell, Housemates Report‘, ‘ Will Never Be Accused Of Having Too Little Information About Barry Ploegel’ , and another which has mercifully gone unarchived, ‘Area Man Keeps Steering Conversation Back To Playstation 2’).

I dunno, I’m beginning to think that they’re antagonizing me.

Homies With Webpages

Phet just told me that my good, weirdball, friend John Baber has a website. It’s somewhat notable in that he updated it recently with an in-depth diatribe about public nakedness, and plus, he mentions this site in the Final Thoughts section. Also, it includes a picture of John, for the curious/titillated. Finally, it’s a Tripod page, so visitors can bask in the warming avalanche of pop-up ads.
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Hollywood Doesn’t Like Old Bags

Doris Roberts (apparently the real name of Everybody Loves Raymond’s mom) talked to Congress this week about how ageism in Hollywood is especially unfair and hard on older women.

Here’s the article [], and here’s a quote:

When my grandchildren say I rock, they’re not talking about a rocking chair. Yet society considers me discardable, my opinions irrelevant, my needs comical and my tastes not worth attention in the marketplace. My peers and I are portrayed as dependent, helpless, unproductive and demanding rather than deserving. In reality, the majority of seniors are self-sufficient, middle-class consumers with more assets than most young couples and substantial time and talent to offer society. This is not just a sad situation, Mr. Chairman. This is a crime.

That is some massive hyperbole. You have “substantial time and talent”? That’s a potent combination–use it. Short-term, you cannot legislate people to like On Golden Pond. Long-term, talent cannot be beaten by people with bad attitudes–not in America, Damn It.
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‘Free Willy’ Whale, Environmentalists, Retarded

In the second rad news item of the day, Keiko, the ‘Free Willy’ whale that was actually freed into the wild, keeps showing up at people’s docks and trying to swim with little kids and stuff (people don’t seem to have any problems letting their kids climb all over this giant, rubbery, insane animal: “Well, why on earth wouldn’t we let Jimmy play with the killer whale?”). This is, of course, counter to the liberating environmentalists expectations that he would swim back to his pod, and majestically become pod king while helping foster global killer whale – people relations.

It turns out, though, that Keiko just has forgotten his true killer whale path, and instead has something of a jones for entertaining and swimming with youngsters. Sort of like Michael Jackson, when you think about it.

Russians Smack Lance Bass Upside Head

According to this CNN article (or, if you prefer, this ABCNews article), Russia has denied Lance Bass of *NSYNC fame permission to fly into space. Despite the fact that Bass is all rich and stuff, and despite the fact that he’s gotten tons of corporate support for this venture, he still can’t bring himself to give the Russians the $20 million they were asking for (a large portion of which would have no doubt gone to carving a state-of-the-Russian-art crew compartment for Bass, made from whale bones, rough hewn logs, and donated American erector set components).

It must be a scary thing, bouncing a $20 million dollar check with the Russians, since they are all murderous and stuff.

My favorite part of this story is that Bass will be replaced on the flight by 330 lb. box of screws. That’s bunk…


We have bums that hang out across the alley from our kitchen on a regular basis. I saw them yesterday while I was working on the bathroom. They cruise the neighborhood taking recyclables out of everybody’s trash, turning them in at the recycling center in the Ralph’s parking lot at the end of the alley, and buying forties at the liquor store on the corner. Then they chill next to the dumpster across the alley, getting shit-faced and rambunctious.
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