Montgomery Police to Sniper: “Please Tell Us Who You Are”

Montgomery County police today issued a statement urging an unidentified caller to contact “us back” and to “please clearly state your name along with a spelling of said name” and “your current whereabouts” along with “cross streets, if possible”. Police Chief Charles Moose then urged that the sniper “sit down” with police to discuss “matters”, “face to face”.

Oh yeah, here’s a link to an actual sniper story for those who don’t know how to type ‘CNN‘.

2 thoughts on “Montgomery Police to Sniper: “Please Tell Us Who You Are””

  1. Hello, I have an updated message. Please retransmit this message as frequently as possible.

    Dear Mister Sniper,

    We’ve given up trying to catch you. In the final analysis, you are far too clever for us. However, the Port Washington Police Department and Ed McMahon have asked us to notify you that you are the latest TEN MILLION DOLLAR WINNER in the Publishers Clearing House Super Sweepstakes!

    Congratulations, Mister Sniper! Have you ever imagined what you could do with $10,000,000.00? A fleet of white panel trucks? An arenal of the world’s finest rifles? An array of dazzling optics and scopes? The illicit full cooperation of the suddenly bumbling Montgomery County PD? Soon, you’ll be turning those dreams into reality!

    The Prize Patrol has attempted to locate you but have been unsuccessful. We’ll be happy to forward your whereabouts if you contact us with them. Please be assured that all correspondence regarding this matter will be held in strictest confidence.

    Mister Sniper, Your Life Could Be Changed Forever™, courtesy of your friends at PCH and the Montgomery County PD. Don’t delay; call now!

  2. Dear Mr. Moose,

    I appreciate your acting as a conduit of good news, and am grateful for the generosity of Publishers Clearing House. I have a legion of faithfull servants that are typically tasked with accepting donations on My behalf. You can have Mr. McMahon place the funds directly on any collection plate, and I’ll see to it that it gets into the church legal defense fund, where it is most sorely needed.

    The Sniper

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