Super Bowl Cleans Up the Streets

The bad news is there are masses of Raider fan jackasses ready to descend on San Diego for the Super Bowl on Sunday. The good news, if you’re into this sort of thing, is that the INS is taking this opportunity to sweep undocumented aliens off of our city streets and into jail. Viva la immigracion!

The other good news is that the Raiders are going to get swatted in the big game, 34-20. The other bad news is that their fans will probably destroy lots of local property when that happens, but into every life a little rain must fall, I guess.

Of the People, By People, and Who The Hell Are These People?

I am not ashamed to admit that I am an Angeleno. Well, a transplanted San Diegan who’s become an Angeleno, but regardless of the circumstance, I live in LA, and I’m proud. I like it here. I like my 310 area code. I like my hour long, 20 mile commute home on Fridays.

Why you ask? Simple, kids.
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Nell Carter Dead at 54, Career Unaffected

Nell Carter, star of TV’s Gimme a Break collapsed today of causes yet unknown. Gimme a Break, as you may recall, was the show that launched the television careers of Rosie O’Donnell, Joey “Whoa” Lawrence, and Jonathan Silverman, making Nell Carter something of an entertainment juggernaut. Silverman, incidentally, starred on The Single Guy with Joey Slotnick, who Vivan and I ran into at the mall recently, so you can see we are pretty personally affected by this tragedy.

Spoon: Girls Can Tell

I bought my last unowned Spoon album (and the one I always wanted to get in the first place), Girls Can Tell, a couple of weeks ago. It’s the one with “Lines In The Suit” on it. It’s really, really good. It has about 7 songs on it that are just great.

Then I went back and started listening to Kill The Moonlight and A Series of Sneaks, and lo and behold, they are far better than I gave them credit for on first listen (I’ve always really liked about two songs on each of their albums and dismissed the rest).

So there you have it: I like Spoon now even more than I used to. They are officially one of the best bands ever, and if you don’t agree, then you are dumb.

Salon to go Subscription-Only

Interesting article in the LA Times about Salon‘s struggle for survival. For whatever reason, I have a newfound interest in the tricky economics of web publishing.

Frankly, I think it’s about time we went this route with JesusH, so we could finally do away with those pesky two or three guys who still read this website. If you ask me, it’s high time we did something spectacular to really alienate our fanbase in a dramatic fashion…

Judge Decides X-Men Are Not Human

This article in the Wall Street Journal was posted on Slashdot a bit ago. Apparently, some judge was saddled with the task of deciding whether Marvel’s action figures qualified as human “dolls” or inhuman “toys” in the interest of deciding what tariff rate they should be subject to.

The judge deciding that the characters are inhuman was a win for Marvel in terms of getting a lower tariff rate, but has led a multitude of comic book fans to cry foul at the marginalization of the beloved characters.

It’s good to know that, in this day and age of heightened tensions and lost fortunes, there’s still room in people’s lives for stupid shit like this. When I see articles like this one, it makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.

Tom Jennings

Just thought I’d take a second to note that this guy is going to be the guest speaker in my electronics class on Wednesday. I don’t know much about him except for that he has some fame in electronics art circles (Wired wrote an article about him), but the fact that he invented FidoNet and converted his ’63 Rambler to run on propane makes me very impressed.

It should be a fun time. I’m looking forward to it.

Sooper Fresh Teaser Action

I’m getting ready to return to JesusH action after my Dave-imposed exile of a week ago (thanks much to Andres for posting several articles during our regrettable absence.)

In addition to the mysterious, yet not-all-that-interesting-in-actuality e-commerce stuff that Dave alluded to in his warning post, I have actually been doing a ton of other interesting stuff that I haven’t written about (and planning hopefully cool stuff that I can do in the not-so-distant future), so I should be full of swell anecdotes, God willing.

Also, I have totally grown as a man and stuff. But I’m not going to write about that. Sorry.

Anyway, in anticipation of the forthcoming Jeffapalooza, Phet and I offer the following highly entertaining video downloads, starring her niece, Kaitlyn (2 year old extraordinaire). In addition to being adorable and stuff, they directly reference one of our recent projects which Phet is going to post more on later. The video was recorded on our digital still camera and adjusted to lighten it up a bit, so hopefully they don’t give you a headache from squinting or nothin’. Also, they are MPEG-1s, which don’t seem to play very well in browsers. You may have to do a right-click and download them the old fashioned way…

Incredible Dancing Baby 1 (4.41 MB)
Incredible Dancing Baby 2 (4.55 MB)
Incredible Dancing Baby 3 (4.08 MB)
Incredible Dancing Baby 4 (6.94 MB)
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Bringing the Mountain to Mohammed

There is a great moment in NBC’s January 2002 documentary “The Bush White House: Inside the Real West Wing” in which Tom Brokaw notes that Bush has “a tendency to wander off into the verbal wilderness”, and asks Bush whether his schoolteacher wife gives him a hard time about it.

“Well Tom, I know that I am not a great…”

There is an interminable pause, during which the viewer is practically compelled to guess what the next word that comes out of the President’s mouth will be. Orator? Wordsmith? Master of the English Tongue? Speaker? What?

“…linguist.”

That’s entertainment. I mean, I wouldn’t expect an American chosen at random off the street to come up with the difference between a linguist and someone who has command of their own language but, given the context and the appearance that W was searching the recesses of his brain for the best verbal ammunition to parry Brokaw’s jab, it was fairly priceless. And oh, yeah, does anyone else think that the leader of the free world should be more educated than the average American?
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Where have you gone, Cesar Chavez

Content has been kind of sparse on here lately, and I’d hate for anyone to have to resort to reading The Economist or any one of the available publications almost as valuable as JesusH, so let me give a quick recap of the second “Joe Millionaire” which airs in repeat tonight on Fox and who’s producers excel at the concept stage but are unlikely to posess the skill to execute on a fine run-on sentence such as this even after having conceptualized, pitched, and sold it.
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Warning

I’m way busy with some big special e-commerce stuff over the next week, and school starts for me after that. Jeff will (or had better be, if you prefer) similarly occupied for the near future. Andres, Brent, Deb and Phet will be carrying the JesusH faithful for a while.

(Of course, if you want to pitch in, email one of us and we’ll get you an account so you can post weird stuff too.)

Review: Joe Millionaire

Joe Millionaire – The Bachelor ripoff where the women think the guy is rich but he isn’t – aired the other night, and I told y’all to watch. But some of you have lives and stuff, so here’s the skinny. By the way, they are going to have an encore presentation on Thursday, January 16th, and I am basically going to tell you what happened here, so beware. In the interest of thoroughness and balance, I’ll include excerpts from the official Fox recap along with my own thoughts.
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“Joe Millionaire” Debuts Tonight

A reminder to those who like really trashy television: Joe Millionaire premieres tonight at 9 on Fox. Tune in to see “a pack of rapacious gold-digging harpies kissing Mr Construction Worker’s little brown ring.” Also coming soon to your living room is ABC’s “The Will”, where relatives compete for grampa’s estate. The environment may be right for me to pitch a reality show idea that I have been toying around with. I’m holding the details close to my vest, but I call it “The Running Man….”

…for people with too much time

I’m not sure if this page has become a bona-fide phenomenon yet (like, say, the dancing hamster or Yakov Smirnoff’s homepage), but it was novel to me (Phet brought it to my attention a couple days ago).

The page in question is www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com, and its author uses it to document all the stupid arguments them he has with his girlfriend. Of course, reading about people’s arguments might not necessarily sound like a fun thing, except everything is played for laughs (the author maintains that, despite the fact that his girlfriend is insane, they have an otherwise fine relationship) and well-written.

While I consider it somewhat bad manners to be publically airing one’s arguments with one’s significant other (and really, Phet and I have never had an argument. Ahem.), there were several, let’s say, familiar accounts given in the course of the page.

WTF?

I just randomly stumbled upon a page on Amazon that gave me pause. The product in question is the Accutire MS-4000GB Deluxe Backlit Lithium Digital Tire Gauge. The thing that blows my mind is, halfway down the page, there’s the following text:

1 person recommended Natural Contours Personal Massager/Vibrator, Magnifique instead of Accutire MS-4000GB Deluxe Backlit Lithium Digital Tire Gauge

The “Natural Contours Personal Massager/Vibrator, Magnifique” is a full-fledged sex toy, whose page also recommends something called “O’My O Clitoral Stimulating Gel“. I didn’t know Amazon even sold vibrators, much less recommends them to unsuspecting fellows looking for tire guages… This makes me want to write a letter to somebody…

BTW, check out the reviews for the clitoral stimulation gel. They’re pretty funny…

Second Cult Clone Born

BBC Article. I’m not sure I have a problem with human cloning in general, but I find it pretty amusing that the Raelians keep having press conferences to announce unverifiable things.

In a not unrelated point, I used to go to Elementary School with a kid named Timmy Previe who didn’t own a comb. Timmy’s thing was he made stuff up about his homelife. He told some very exciting stories about his parents being trapeze artists and keeping a dinosaur in his basement, and living in the space shuttle (which, incidentally, had a basement. And trapezes). At the time, everyone was pretty sure that Timmy’s actual reality must have been pretty wretched for him to be concocting stories like he did. I’m not sure what happened to Timmy.

In any case, it appears pretty clear that someone needs to give the Raelians a hug.

Where’s My Freaking Book Deal?

Phet got me a book for Christmas called The Book of Ratings by some joker named Lore Fitzgerald Sjoberg (incidentally, I should mention that I don’t think Phet’s intention for getting me this was to infuriate me, so let me apologize in advance to her and her family for that). The schtick behind the Book of Ratings is that Sjoberg gives A-F grades to any random cross-section of popular culture he feels like (not just, say movies or something). For instance, he rates Coca-Cola Slogans, Hostess Products, Internal Organs, Beverage Containers and Aesops Fables. These ratings are accompanied by an explanatory paragraph that is sometimes funny.

Sometimes.
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Duty Free BVU

Cracker has a new song called Duty Free BVU. It isn’t as good as It Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself, which is every bit as essential as the name would indicate, but it’s pretty good. Don’t take my word for it, though, because I lie a lot–listen to them for yourself:

Cracker_DutyFreeBVU
Cracker_AintGonnaSuckItself

Anyway, I just noticed the song makes reference to

College Drunks Kicking Pigeons In The Asses

which makes me wonder if David Lowery has been reading JesusH. If he has, Dan ought to get a songwriting credit or something.

Hilarious Jury Duty Things

A couple of extremely hilarious jury duty observations (watch out! hot stuff!):

1.) The Hall of Justice Food Court has a big sign that says “Hall of Justice Food Court”. To me, the phrase “Hall of Justice Food Court” is completely hilarious since “Hall of Justice” sounds all magnificent and super-heroey and “Food Court” doesn’t.

2.) Phet and I went to Starbucks at lunch. I asked the guy at Starbucks if they sold newspapers there, and he said “no, but there’s a newsstand downstairs. By the other Starbucks.” And, like, there was a newsstand downstairs, by the other Starbucks.

Jury Duty

In the name of civic responsibility and all that, Phet and I went to jury duty today. We were called a week apart, which on one hand seems kind of cosmic, at least until you consider that the schedule of full-time students only have a couple of possible periods where serving on a jury isn’t completely insane. In any case, we got to serve our time together, which helped the time fly considerably because of all the making out and stuff.

Ahem.
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