Good Old Texas Stand-Off

I’ve been busy lately, but not too busy to enjoy some of the goofiness leading up to the 2004 NFL draft (Apr 24, ESPN, if you have no life or are unreasonably fond of Chris Berman). The fun started when the story broke that quarterback and probable #1 pick Eli Manning’s dad doesn’t want Manning playing for the owners of the #1 pick–the San Diego Chargers.
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Pat Tillman Killed in Afghanistan

ABC News (via Drudge)

Tillman was an NFL safety of some reknown who simply had to sign his name on the dotted line of a shiny new multi-million dollar contract to ensure that he and his were set up for life. Instead, he enlisted in the armed forces, in what could charitably be called “not a percentage move”, presumably because he thought it was the right thing to do.


Every so often, I’ll read about someone doing something that I literally can’t identify with, and I remember Tillman’s NFL exit being one of those things. I just can’t imagine a confluence of events that would cause me to do that were I in Tillman’s shoes.

I look back at some of the things we’ve written on JesusH over the past few years and I think it’d be pretty easy to characterize us (well, me anyway) as an endlessly cynical person, but Tillman was–well, if not a hero of mine, he was close. The whole story caused me to admire Tillman greatly, and I’m sad that he’s gone.

More Spam stuff

One point I neglected to mention about the sexy JesusH spam filter was that I rigged the script to e-mail me every time some jackstand gets denied by our 733t security technology (while I was under the hood, I also went ahead and set up Movable Type to e-mail me whenever someone with a banned IP tries to post a comment – mostly for entertainment purposes). The results so far have been pretty impressive. The new system has kept 10 spam comments from being posted to this site, has confused 2 legitimate posters into tripping the spam alarm (one of whom was that “You suck” guy from a couple days ago – that tenacious little bitch wanted to get his message heard so bad that he went back and tried again…), and, perhaps most impressively — not a single Lane Staley poster has been confused by the system, even though this has been one the thread’s most prolific posting periods.


That Ain’t Right

Weird Al Honors Parents' Memory With 'Tears In Heaven' Parody

FALLBROOK, CA—Zany, mourning entertainer "Weird Al" Yankovic has parodied Eric Clapton's eulogy song "Tears In Heaven" in loving tribute to his parents, who recently died of carbon-monoxide poisoning in their San Diego home, a spokesman for Yankovic said Monday. "Al's hurting deeply right now, and this is his way of honoring Nick and Mary," Karl Tuft said of the song in which a subdued Yankovic sings, "First you lit some flames / Then the smoke stopped your breathin' / Carbon mono's th'way you went... / Up to heaven" over a somber, minor-key accordion melody. Tuft added that the best way for Yankovic to give voice to his pain and loss was by altering the voice of Clapton's pain and loss.

Last item, ‘News in Brief”, this week’s Onion

Review: Heroes of Might and Magic IV

Here’s my long-overdue review of Heroes of Might and Magic IV:

It took me over a year to get this damn thing installed. Seriously, I just couldn’t put it on my machine for the longest time. It turned out I had to turn DMA off on my CD-ROM to get it to install, which was weird.

That happened late last year IIRC, and Deb and I have played it a few times since then, but I’m really not all that familiar with the game. It’s like everything else in the Heroes series: you have one or more hero characters that tromp around a map, grabbing resources and conquering towns, which produce units to make armies to support your heroes. It’s got a lot of similarities to the Civilization series, as well as old skool games like Warlords and Empire (I can’t find dick on the net on this game, except for it being #8 in an old list of the top 150 games of all time)… and I should know, because Mike Chizewski and I played the hell out of all these games in the late ’80’s. Actually, it’s probably most similar to the best turn-based strategy game of all time, Master of Magic (which rocked if you could keep it from crashing your computer).

Anyway, enough about my geeky past. There are some departures from the rest of the series in Heroes IV, the most jarring of which is either the switch to 3D graphics or that your heroes actually fight along with the rest of their armies. I’m not all that impressed by the former and miss the halcyon days when you could cast Armageddon with a powerful mage hero and send the janitorial squad out with brushes and dustpans to clean up the competition in a battle, so I’m not sure about the latter. Luckily, Vampires still rule.

From what I’ve played I like it less than Heroes III. Three Pochaccos (out of a possible 5).

The Great Spamhole Experiment

As I’m sure all our hordes of loyal followers have noticed, we’ve been seeing lots of of comment spam (advertising all manner of homosexual porn, Viagra-type penile infarcters, and, most disturbingly, Kid Language vendors) lately. Our typical response to this in appropriate behavior has been to either modify the comments for the sheer fun of it, or just to delete them and ban the commenting IPs. Despite trying to stem the tide as best as we can, I ended up deleting, like, 10 ads for some gay porn site (which really wasn’t all that special, incidentally) on Monday. Plus, they all had unique IPs, which meant I had to manually ban each of them, which is time taken away from playing the ukulele. Clearly this situation can not stand.

Dave and I have talked about implementing one of those fancy user authentication systems that creates an image of a number and forces the user to type it in whenever they comment, but it turns out that such a system is too exotic for our poor little server to handle (caused something having to do with Knuter indexes or something). This is very sad.

It occurred to me this evening, though, that blog spammers are not, like, super spies or anything. It’s in this spirit that I present JesusH’s new HyperGhetto AntiSpam Commenting system (Pat. Pen.). The concept is simple: if you care to comment on a JesusH article, you are now required to type the number 3 in a text field near the normal content boxes. If you don’t, your ass will be rejected.

It should be noted that this new system is not at all secure. Hypothetically, if a spammer wanted to get around it it, they’d just have to add the following POST variable to their existing program’s querystring: spamhole=3. It’s almost too easy! So c’mon shitbirds, do it! I double dog dare you…

In a somewhat unrelated note, it will be interesting to see if this new measure proves too complicated for our esteemed Lane Staley post fans…

HAMAS Leader Whacked

CNN Article

Abdel Aziz Rantisi was offed in a missile strike today just weeks after the previous HAMAS leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin was given similar treatment outside a Palistinean mosque. In related news, Met-Life has decided to raise insurance premiums for the remaining HAMAS leaders by 1 million billion percent.

I have a hard time being too glib about this sort of thing, since you know, killing is bad. For some reason though, when I saw this headline on CNN, I got vision of the end of the Godfather movies, where all of a sudden, all the heads of all the other crime families get whacked at the same time. I’m not sure if the Israelis would appreciate the comparison to an organized crime syndicate but, well, there it is I guess.

America’s ‘Royal Couple’ Calls It Quits

CNN Article

John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos have separated after what appears to be several years of marriage. As the dust settles on this once fairy tale romance, there are still many questions that have yet to be answered. There is not a soul in this great country hard enough to not be shaken to the core by this development, but we here at JesusH implore a jittery populace to remain calm.

In times of great national tragedy , it is natural to feel depressed, helpless, or powerless (one need only be asked, “Where were you on February 21st?” to be immediately thrust back to the emblematic day of Sonny Bono and Cher’s divorce in 1974 – and don’t even get us started on Macauley Culkin’s failed marriage to Rachel Miner, lest we start bawling right here where we sit…). All we can think of to say is: now, more than ever, love the ones you’re with. Take nothing for granted – Ever.

Jesus Christ, we’re all fucking doomed.

Andy Rooney is a douche

Our soldiers in Iraq aren’t heroes (via Drudge)

I found this passage particularly obnoxious:

We pin medals on their chests to keep them going. We speak of them as if they volunteered to risk their lives to save ours, but there isn’t much voluntary about what most of them have done. A relatively small number are professional soldiers. During the last few years, when millions of jobs disappeared, many young people, desperate for some income, enlisted in the Army. About 40 percent of our soldiers in Iraq enlisted in the National Guard or the Army Reserve to pick up some extra money and never thought they’d be called on to fight. They want to come home.

Anyone that joins the National Guard or Army Reserve to take home a paycheck without understanding and (at some level) making peace with the fact that you can be called to active duty if that’s what the government wants gets dick from me as far as sympathy goes. You pay the price to control the dice, goddamnit.

No, we don’t have a conscript army. Yes, if you paid a modicum of attention in school, have a fairly functional cerebral cortex, and are willing to relocate, there are probably things you can do other than enlist. There are plenty of good reasons to dislike what’s going on both overseas and at home these days, but this line of argument I just don’t have much patience for.

So I guess I’m not surprised by crotchety talentless asshandle Andy Rooney using it.

Feds To Crackdown On Sweet, Sweet Porn

Baltimore Sun Article (via the Drudge Report)

Unbe-frigging-lievable. I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised, but the FBI has a secret ninja squad whose sole purpose is to try and figure out how to prosecute pornographers – and we’re not talking illicit goat porn here, mind you, but plain-vanilla soft-core, late night HBO sort of fare. Because, you know, having an entire nation of consenting adults abusing themselves to USA’s Up All Night is not what the framers had in mind when they drunkenly scribbled that “freedom” thing into the Constitution.

In a speech in 2002, Ashcroft made it clear that the Justice Department intends to try [to prosecute pornographers]. He said pornography “invades our homes persistently though the mail, phone, VCR, cable TV and the Internet,” and has “strewn its victims from coast to coast.”

It’s sort of amusing to me that this may be the sort of issue that could encourage me to get off my ass and vote in this election. Anyone know how Kerry feels about porn – goat or otherwise? Kerry aside, I’m pretty sure that Nader is pro-porn, having appeared in several 70’s porn films under the name Ralph “Flying Cockmaster” Nader, so that’s always another, very viable, option.

The Dan Band

Vivan and I had some out of town visitors on Friday, so we took them to see an LA attraction we’d been hearing about for a while now. The Dan Band, a Friday night staple at the Avalon in Hollywood whose covers have made it onto soundtracks for Old School and Starsky and Hutch, are the guys behind this work of musical genius. Their set list includes songs from such luminaries as Janis Ian and TLC.
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