Martha Stewart, after receiving the minimum sentence of 5 months in prison gave a stirring speech on the courthouse steps.
Today is a shameful day. It’s shameful for me, and for my family, and for my beloved company, and for all of its employees and partners. What was a small personal matter
Yes, I prefer to think of my criminal activities as a personal matter as well.
-“Sir, do you know how fast you were driving.”
-“Kind of a personal question, don’t you think, officer?”
became over the last two years an almost fatal circus event of unprecedented proportions.
An almost FATAL CIRCUS EVENT of UNPRECEDENTED PROPORTIONS!!!!!!!
It really helps if you say it out loud.
I have been choked and almost suffocated to death during that time,
Would they have to have stopped calling the company “Martha Stewart Living”? It’s like a koan. My brain hurts.
all the while more concerned about the well-being of others than for myself, more hurt for them and for their losses than for my own, more worried for their futures than the future of Martha Stewart the person.
Could we maybe waive that “canonization has to wait until after death” requirement just this one time? Maybe if we’re lucky, she’ll suffocate and we can do her right after Princess Di.
[deleted some stuff about her poor employees and the 170,000 e-mails she got supporting her]
Perhaps all of you out there can continue to show your support by subscribing to our magazine, by buying our products, by encouraging our advertisers to come back in full-force to our magazines.
For less than the price of a cup of coffee per day, you can adopt a M.S.L.O. employee.
Our magazines are great. They deserve your support, and whatever happened to me personally shouldn’t have any effect whatsoever on the great company Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. And I don’t want to use this as a sales pitch for my company, but we love that company, we’ve worked so hard on that company, and we really think it merits great attention from the American public.
I’m a prisoner, Irwin! A prisoner of my desire to slash prices!
Blah blah blah.
I’m paraphrasing that last bit. Hurry back, Martha! We’ll miss you!